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Judgy Moms Are Us

Nisha at Prairie Plate makes a compelling argument that convicted me. In her Mommy Wars post, she posits (quite accurately) that even if we say we aren't judging other moms, the very fact that blogging mommies talk about how they do things and how great their methods and choices are implies that another way is somehow inferior. Head over there and give it a read, and come on back!


Bed-sharing during morning nap
So anyway, I am inclined to agree with her. I live in a very organic, eco-friendly, green city where yoga reigns supreme and there are nearly as many Whole Foods-esque grocery stores as there are regular supermarkets. Parenthood and child-rearing that is "progressive" is lauded here, and "traditional" methods are looked down on. Doulas and midwives are celebrated but OBs are considered the devil, and "why on earth would anyone elect to have a scheduled C-section (insert horrified *gasp*). That's major surgery, you know?" You get the picture.

I am guilty of what Nisha is talking about, too. I was hard-sold on drug-free, natural childbirth and all that granola-y stuff I mentioned in an earlier post (like baby-wearing, attachment parenting, breastfeeding and co-sleeping). That in and of itself is fine and good and my right to feel and do as I see fit. However, the moment I blogged about it to recount the merits of my approaches to parenting (read: the obvious "superiority" of my oh-so-enlightened decisions versus your potentially-fatal-to-your-child choices), I entered into judgy territory. I am so sorry if you were offended or felt judged!!!

I don't want to contribute to the Mommy Wars. Every mother loves their kid and strives to do the best that they can (well, not every mother, but you know what I mean). I don't want my knowledge to "puff me up" nor do I wish to suggest that somehow my way is better just because it works for me. I don't know anyone else's context and there are a zillion factors that come into play that render some choices untenable or preferable for different people.  As long as you love your kid and do the best that you can for him/her/them, we're good.

This whole experience has really forced me to consider my audience and the reason why I blog. Some people blog to teach or evangelize a certain perspective (regardless of their actual expertise on the matter); others as a means to earn money and free swag from advertising companies. For some, it's an ego f$&! to try and build a giant readership and get some online pseudo-accolade or a bit of fame, and for others it's about keeping friends and family in the loop. For me, it's a way to exercise my writing muscles and get some catharsis for the thoughts racing in my head whilst simultaneously sharing updates on Baby L with my social circles. Frankly, I don't give a d@mn if I have 1 reader or 1 million; I blog for me but point people here so that I don't have to say the same thing 20 times.

That said, in the event that this blog is read by a mommy or mommy-to-be who is interested in my two cents, I need to be clear that I most definitely do not have "the answers" and don't want to front like I do, nor do I wish to condescendingly pretend that I have it all figured out when it comes to parenting. I don't. I am no expert in any of this mommy stuff - it's all new to me (just as it might be for you).  And I definitely don't want to leave the impression that there is only one "good" or "progressive" way to do things. There are enough judgy moms out there contributing to the Mommy Wars. I have no interest in joining them.


Sharon said…
Good sharing sister.
Ms PR said…
Agreed. Though I do think no matter where we go, there is judgment. People do things a certain way because they believe that's the right way to go about it. Even if we don't agree, I think the best thing to agree on is that we're all doing what we believe is best for our kids, and that's the best thing there is out there. I go to blogs for other opinions and what people are going through. I find it more enlightening to read about what people are doing that's different. It's important to read different perspectives and different approaches instead of only read the things I agree with. Either way, keep blogging, fellow momma! We love what you have to share about your family!

<3 JJM

PS. I'm sure my blog has probably offended some people... but it's mainly for funnies. :)

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