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It's Lonely Being A Mommy

Have you ever wondered why there are so many mommy bloggers out there? Frankly, I think it's because mommies are lonely; this is why we blog (or why *I* blog, at any rate).

A selfie of us - note her second chin! LOL
But I digress.  I have tried writing post after post about this particular subject, but I never end up hitting the publish button, mostly because I'm pretty sure my post makes me sound like some sort of friendless social pariah.  Which (I think) I am not.

I have friends, and quite a few who I consider very close friends, the kind I have a true sisterhood with.  However, most of them live outside of my city, and those who live close are often busy with their own lives and/or kids.  We do make an effort to spend quality time together, but since everyone's got lives of their own, those times are never as frequent as one might want.

And like every child is different, every experience of mommyhood is equally unique.  This makes it difficult to entirely relate to others, even other moms, which makes the experience of becoming a new mom all the more lonely.  Who can we turn to for advice, when nobody quite "gets" what struggles we are dealing with? 

Even with my awesome man, (and mine is the awesomest daddy and best friend around), sometimes I do feel like it's a solitary road that I walk.  My choices as a parent are not commonly shared among others we know, and I am even aware of people who don't wish to befriend me because of my child-rearing decisions (shocking, I know! Really? But that's a subject for another time).  Because Little L is a particularly high-needs little girl (some call it determined or precocious, but really, she's just stubborn and demanding), there are things that other new momma can afford to do (or choose to do) that I cannot or do not do (like leave her with random baby-sitters, or sleep train so that evenings are free and open for date nights, or do work while she plays on her own in front of the TV, or take her everywhere all the time regardless of nap schedules).  This makes it challenging for them to relate to my struggles; they may not even feel lonely at all, depending on how much their lifestyles have been affected by the arrival of their baby.

And I know we have it "easy" because Little L is healthy and happy; I'm sure that mommies with sickly babies must find it even more isolating to be dealing with health concerns all the time, when nobody else seems to have those challenges.  We also aren't being burdened by financial stress or other issues that people usually suffer in silence.  So yeah, we are blessed, and I'm not trying to say that I'm not.

Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, except to say that if you feel alone, you're not the only one!  On most days, I'm so busy chasing after, and reading to, my little loquacious wonder that I barely have time to pee, much less ponder on deeper things. However, sometimes when I have a moment to myself, or the days seem longer because someone is being extra-fussy or clingy, I do lament not always having a solid social circle to share my woes with.

I am so grateful for this blog, and for the mommy bloggers who I read, because each blogger mommy I read helps to normalize my experiences in some way, and affirm what I think might just be unique to us.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that if you culled bits and pieces of parenting from each of the mommies on my blogroll, you'd have my parenting style!

So thank you, if you're a blogger and you've been detailing your adventures in baby-raising.  I appreciate you for helping to keep me sane.

And oh how I wish, wish, wish that there were better, more effective, supports for mommies who sometimes find this whole mommying thing a bit isolating.

Can you relate to this, or am I really just that alone? Do share how you keep "connected" so that you don't feel quite so "on your own" on this parenting journey.  I'd love a few tips! :)


Comments

~Rain``` said…
Like you said, each of us mommies has our own unique way of doing things. The way I parent is different in many ways to how you parent (e.g. I’m a sleep trainer) and how others parent (no two parents are alike in their style). But we have the same desire for our children. We want them to become the best that God intends them to be! And we all try our utmost to guide them in the process.

So, what keeps me sane? Blogging. Yup: very therapeutic. I also make a concerted effort to talk to women whom I respect in their role as Mothers. One of these women lives in another city than me. Even though she is the same age as me, her kids are teens. I often go to her for advice or perspective. While we don't have the exact parenting style, we are similar. Plus, I do have a great Mom's group that I attend at my church that my children equally enjoy.

Truthfully, when my children were Baby L's age, life was lonelier (I, like you, didn’t want my kids to nap on the go, so I stayed home a lot). Now that my kiddos are almost three and five, I can get out and visit and engage with other mommies at Play Groups and Play Dates more. While I have only 1-2 fellow mommies I consider "Kindred Spirits" in this community, I still find it useful to hear the perspectives of others. Some reinforce why I do what I do. Others challenge my thinking.

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