|The face of 38.9|
I don't feel 39. I hope I don't look 39. And sometimes, when I am thinking about others who are celebrating 39, I consider them to be kind of old. To be fair, sometimes I also think that 39 is young (e.g. too young to be a grandmother, or too young for an actress to play a convincing 50-year-old).
I'm not sure how I am supposed to feel at this age. When my mother was my age, she had already birthed out four children, two of whom were in junior high. I have a 3 year old. Most of my friends who have children of similar age are about a decade younger than I am, but I don't feel any older than they are. And yet, while I'm still "in the know" about some pop culture things (I mean, I read Lainey!), I am pretty much a dinosaur in my musical tastes, and would be hard-pressed to identify any pop singer in a police line-up even if my life depended on it (okay, I'd know Justin Bieber, but not those other boy band kids). I may still get ID'ed at the casino, but I no longer want to dress according to seasonal fashion trends, and I often unabashedly find myself becoming that ornery "get off my lawn" old lady who just wants to yell at those punk kids over there.
For guys, I feel like 39 is really just when they're starting to hit that mature stride, the one that launches their careers into hyperdrive and makes them seem established and a respectable adult (sorry guys, but that's just how I feel). For women, 39 (theoretically) seems like the age when botox begins, clothing starts being designated as "too young" to wear, and labels like cougar begin to apply when you see them gathered at a bar or a dance club with their try-hard "sexy clothes" that they've been saving for a "wild night out." You know what I mean.
What's my point? I really don't have one, I guess. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling or doing at "my age," but I know that I don't feel my age at all. Not conceptually, not physically (well, maybe my energy levels), not emotionally. I just feel like me. The same way that I felt like me at 29; excited for the upcoming decade, confident in my beliefs and convictions, and much too experienced to bother engaging in ideological debates with people I know I won't convince ;) Except that a decade later, I am quite a few pounds heavier than the 29-year-old me. But I am happier too, and more secure in who I am.
So yeah, I'm 39 for the next year. And then I get to turn 40. Whoa Nelly, now that is old! ;)