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Unapologetic - a Rant

I am on one heckuva rant, so if you're not interested, move along.  Ahem...

So it has come to my attention that there are quite a few mommy bloggers out there who talk about feeling judged, who purport to feel insulted or hurt by other mommy bloggers who express their opinions on blogs or elsewhere.  Case in point, I just read a mommy blogger who responded to the Facebook "Dear IPhone Mom" thing with a magnum opus defending said iPhone mom, and getting all righteously-indignant about the FB posting.

I'm here to say, "Suck it up, princess.  Everyone judges."  Everyone. Judges.  Yes, you read that right.  If you're a mom, you have either judged another mom overtly, covertly, or you're dead. 

Obviously, most moms do their best to raise their kids, and make choices that they think are right for their kid(s); I don't know of too many moms who actually admit to making crappy choices on purpose.  Everyone thinks that their method for their kid is the best way to go, or else they're not going to use that method or take that approach.  However, since there seems to be a gigantic range of opinions on which method is "best," and everyone follows their own sense of "best," then obviously everyone also believes that there are some sub-par methods or approaches out there, and that those who choose to use these methods are doing it "wrong" (or less awesomely, at the very least).

I mean, I think there are a lot of sh!tty decisions being made by a lot of moms out there, and yeah I do judge you for letting the TV baby-sit your one-year-old, or for spanking a baby who is too young to be spanked (BTW, it's against the law to spank someone younger than 2 and older than 12 in Canada, FYI).  I'm sure you also think it's sh!tty of me to use disposable diapers, not feed Little L exclusively organic, and bed-share instead of sleep-train a 13-month-old.

Great! So we're all sh!tty parents in some way.  Tell me something I didn't know.  The Bible does say that there is no one righteous, not even one.  Every one of us is sinful and imperfect, and doing the best that we can, right?

But why the guilt, mommies?  Why feel all bent out of shape and hurt and defensive if someone disagrees with you, or thinks that your parenting skills are lacking in some area?  Why go on the attack after getting your proverbial panties in a knot? Chill out.  I mean, seriously - is that how you define yourself? Is your identity so wrapped up in being considered a stellar parent that you forget that Jesus has already paid for all of our sins, and there is now no condemnation for anyone who is in Christ? Go check your heart, since an obvious visceral reaction of anger or hurt or defensiveness or guilt reveals that you've got your theology wrong, and your identity is misplaced.

When I read the FB iPhone mom open letter, I don't feel guilty or condemned or defensive.  It's a good reminder, but then again, I already know that I've tried my best to parent Little L, and I'm not letting someone else's opinion define who I am, or determine how I feel.  I don't go to bed with regrets and I serve my child as working for the Lord, with all of my heart and soul; if I fall short, which I inevitably do, I rest in the grace of Jesus and in knowledge that I am being refined day by day, just as Little L is, and everyone else is, in Him.  I may not agree with other people's parenting styles and opinions, but there's no point to my feeling defensive if it comes into conflict with my own.  I mean, it is possible for thinking adults with differing opinions to be friends and to agree to disagree.  So what's the issue?

The blogger who wrote the impassioned defense of the iPhone mommy wonders where the "Good job, mommy" posts are at.  I daresay that these are pointless.  I mean, sure, if someone wrote a nice little "Good job, mommy" post, there would inevitably be a group of mommies who feel validated and encouraged in their mommying ways.  There would also be a group of mommies who, maybe because they aren't doing a good job in that particular way, feel guilty or condemned or defensive about said post.  And then there would be the group of mommies who don't think that the compliment is warranted, since they hold to an opposing viewpoint that says that doing this thing isn't doing a good job.  See what I'm getting at?

So honestly, mommies, judge away, because you already do whether you want to admit it out loud or not.  And don't feign shock and hurt when you end up on the receiving end, because you've given it, too.  And just do your best to be the best d@mn parent you can to your kids.  Go to bed without regrets.  Don't define yourself based on someone else's opinion, but on the work of Jesus on the cross for you.  And be unapologetic in doing your best for your kids.  Unless, of course, you aren't, in which case get your sh!t together and do the best you can for your kids.

End rant.


~Rain``` said…
Yup. We all judge. Today, I plugged my two little ones in front of a Richard Scarey's Counting Video so I could blog. Oh well... Hey, my kids can count pretty darn well!
Mrs. Loquacious said…
@Rain - No regrets, no guilt! But I hate when mommies are all mad about being judged when they judge as much as the next person. Let's just all agree to disagree, right? And I totally let Little L have the iPhone as the "nuclear option," too, when she's near meltdown mode and a meltdown is simply not acceptable given the circumstances.

But I guess I'm just arrogant that way. I never apologize for how I parent. ;)

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