Nobody likes to see their baby in pain, but I have a particularly low threshold when it comes to Little L. Like, I don't ever want to see her cry because of pain. Not even for one second. It makes me heart wrench, my stomach turn, and my nerves go into hyperdrive.
So this weekend was hard. Somehow, somewhere along the way Little L picked up a tummy bug that resulted in many many sharty diapers filled with foul, acrid semi-liquid waste. I suspect that, as her appetite dropped and her body emptied out, the nastiness exiting her little body was becoming increasingly acidic (and painful). She started waking up crying because she had to poop (she *never* wakes up crying), and both her tummy and her butt were on fire.
If that wasn't bad enough, her tender skin also became inflamed from the constant wiping and cleaning and contact with her poop. So, adding to the tears that happened when she woke up, now there were also tears surrounding every diaper change. And on a normal day, that's still not too often, but when your kid has diarrhea, this diaper change business happens nearly hourly.
So I've been dealing with her agony and mine for the past 48 hours. The worst was when we decided to try and rinse her butt off with the showerhead instead of wiping her bottom for the umpteenth time. She must have been startled by the shower itself (since she never takes showers and doesn't see us taking them), and hurting because of the intensity of the water on her tush (even though we used a gentle spray). Whatever it was, the wailing was tragic and heart-breaking.
Now she is afraid of even going into that bathroom. Great.
Thankfully, we picked up some Butt Paste (Max. Strength) and began using it last night, so our most recent diaper change did not lead to a tearful panic. I suspect that the worst is now behind us. However, every time I have to witness Little L in any form of pain gives me even greater empathy for parents who have sick kids or those whose children have chronic pain.
And the worst thing is, I know that my threshold will never be high, even if it improves over time. Not when it comes to my baby, and you know she'll always be my baby. My mommy still cried when she learned I would need a C-section (even though I'd be numbed to the pain..and I was 36 years old). I'm sure one day when my girl is all grown up, I will still agonize when she hurts.
Such is the life of a momma :/