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One for All, and All for One..or Something Like That

I totally understand the babymoon concept in theory.  You know, a couple has one last romantic "getaway" before their baby is born and their world gets topsy-turvy forever.  It's a time to relax, to connect, to be romantical and get your sexy-time on before the stitches happen and the sleep doesn't.

But in practice, a babymoon only makes sense to me in one of two cases:
1) both parents are newbies and don't have kids yet
2) the babymooning parents have children who are all over the age of 6 (or whatever age weaning has occurred and the kids are already independent and can go more than 8 hours without a parent)

But, like, this is so never-gonna-happen for us, even if we are blessed with a #2 in the next..oh, 3 years.  Why? Because I know myself and I know my kid, and Little L probably won't wean for a while yet, nor will she begin to sleep on her own in her own bed in her own room, anxiety-free, for a long time.  How long? No idea.  We're doing it child-led in this household, remember?

Anyway, even if the stars aligned perfectly and Little L was weaned and sleeping independently at age 3, I still can't see us doing an extended babymoon away from her, without her.  Maybe a weekend getaway, yes.  That would be very likely, provided we had someone trusted (like family, or Miss Bee) to watch her for that entire time.  But not for a long (read: more than 3-4 days) trip, and not anywhere that required a flight (well, okay, maybe Vegas, but that's it).

Why? Because Little L is part of this family, and an exclusionary act like a prolonged trip without her (especially if it's somewhere fun) seems cruel to me.  I mean, it's one thing to get away for a weekend to invest in Hubbs; I am 100% in favour of that, and consider it a healthy practice for parents to do whenever their kid(s) are old enough to be able to be left with other caregivers.  It's another thing to go for two weeks to a sunny paradise and leave a young child, prone to fears of being separated from his/her primary caregivers (see attachment theory), with people who are not Mommy and Daddy.  A day seems like a month to a kid; what do you think two weeks feels like?! Forever.  Which, in terms of attachment, would be perceived as a permanent separation (aka abandonment) by one who is too young to understand the concept of Mommy and Daddy just going on holidays.

Considering the not-insignificant expense of such a trip, too, I would not feel comfortable leaving Little L out of the fun, and the opportunities to be exposed to new and exciting things in other parts of the world.  I know that I would experience a crippling guilt of clinical proportions if I actually followed through with such a trip and left my toddler in the care of others.  Really, I would.  In fact, it would probably result in the opposite of what a babymoon is intended to do; Hubbs would probably leave my sorry @$$ following my psychotic break after the plane touched down.

So yeah, Little L stays with us, and comes with us.  At least, until she is old enough to "get it" and be able to understand that a week-long absence is not a permanent state of departure.  But I guess that, just as my parenting approach is a little unconventional, so too is my position on this sort of thing.

What about you?  Would you leave your toddlers/young kids to "babymoon" for a significant amount of time? Have you done it? What was it like for your kid(s) and your momma heart?

Like I could leave her behind.  Ha!

Comments

asphodellium said…
I thought babymoons were for couples expecting their FIRST baby. Because that's the big frontier, isn't it, pre-kids vs. post kids? What's so special about x kids vs. (x+1) kids? (Says the mother-of-one, haha.)

Funny, at first thought I'm all, "YES VACATION WITHOUT KIDS w00t w00t FREEDOM!" But then I think of Ashelyn and I'm like, "Awww but I can't leaaave her ..."

So for us, probably not soon :p
Kitten said…
When my oldest was 18 months, we took an overnight stay at a hotel. Apparently, he openly wept most of the night. Yeah, we haven't left him again since. He's 5. Sigh. My husband is desperate to get away for a week, and I keep negging any idea of it. I'd always rather have my babies with me.
Mrs. Loquacious said…
@asphodellium - That's the thing! In theory it sounds all lovely to be "free" but I can't even take absences of more than 4 hours. I am a wimpy mom.

@Kitten - That's so sad :( I think Little L would also cry all night long, until her voice was all hoarse and she was too tired to cry. That is *NOT* an experience I ever want her to have. I don't think guys "get it" sometimes, but us mommies? We SO get it.

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