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Aligned and Supported - He's Got My Back

Still kid-free, at Sparkling Hill Resort

Hubbs and I had dated for 2.5 years before we got married, and our marriage was 6.5 years old when Little L was born. This meant that we had 9 glorious, kid-free years to talk theoretically about having children, and what our dreams and goals and aspirations were for said kids and ourselves. In nearly a decade of talking, however, we had not ever discussed the big decision-points of parenting. Sure, we had long agreed that we were not the type to spank our kids, and I would probably stay at home to raise them until they were in school, but what about sleep training? The introduction of solids? Sleep arrangements? Breastfeeding? Other disciplinary methods? Vaccinations? Schooling choices? We discussed none of these things. In fact, we had no idea that we would ever need to talk about them, and quite frankly, I had approximately 0% understanding that these were even topics.

And then Little L entered our lives, and suddenly it was like a new world opened up. New parenting vocabulary and acronyms, conflicting theories and approaches to raising babies, and a bazillion products and books and articles offering every kind of advice and suggestion and warning for us to raise her this way, or that way, or to avoid this, or to most definitely do that, and get this and that but not this or that.

There was a lot to muddle through, but I think we have found our groove.

However, I couldn't have done it without Hubbs' support and trust, and his aligned parenting philosophies. Hubbs, who literally held Little L to my breast so that she could nurse during those early days when my wrists were utterly incapacitated by De Quervain's tenosynovitis. He allowed himself to be woken up every 1.5 hours when I needed someone to retrieve my newborn from her crib, and he then welcomed a very active toddler to share our bed and kick him in the back for the next several years. He stood up for me when others questioned or criticized our parenting choices, and patiently stayed up some nights with my little night owl to let me get some shut-eye. He took time off work to go to vaccination appointments with me because he knew I didn't have the heart to hold my baby down while they pricked her, and he continues to patiently wait for the day when my breasts are not shared with my not-so-little nursling. He supports my desire to be gentle in my parenting, and he respects the value that is placed on cultivating Little L's attachment to us.

Because he has got my back when it comes to parenting, we can work effectively as a team, for our girl's best interests. We don't have to bicker and fight about her nursing (though we are definitely working towards weaning), her presence in our bed, or how to deal with her out-of-control threenager tantrum. We don't face the tensions of having to battle every decision we make for her, and we get to see each other as an ally rather than an enemy. When parenting is already a hard task, the last thing anyone needs is another obstacle. Our shared perspective means that we make our parenting journey just a little easier to navigate.

I'm so appreciative of my Hubbs. He is truly a great dad, and I'm proud to be raising Little L with him. :)


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